Bounce Dryer Bar

I bought a package of Bounce Dryer Bars a few weeks ago. The thought of not having to remember dryer sheets elated me. Not to mention, they were on sale, and I had a Target coupon AND a manufacturers coupon. Triple score! On the package it said it should last for two whole months. Obviously they didn't mean in my dryer.

Lesson 127: Bounce dryer bar lasting only 2 1/2 weeks = white trash

Cookies

Ok, I'll admit it, I've been lazy lately. In my own defense, I'm a whale. I'm so full of baby that I need a nap after bending over. Seriously.

Adam has been really wonderful this month. He's been doing laundry and cleaning things he wouldn't normally clean. He's cleaning the bathroom tomorrow and I can't recall a time when he has ever cleaned it.

The boys have also been helping out. They've been cleaning their room and the living room. They've even been sweeping for me! I just sit on the couch, like Jabba the Hut, giving orders. It's fabulous.

Today I felt pretty good, so I decided to do some extra cleaning. (Adam and the boys clean, but it's not exactly my standard of clean.) I also decided to bake some cookies for the kids. After all, they deserve it.

When I took the first batch of cookies out of the oven, it became apparent that I have been less nurturing than normal.

Lesson 126: your kids being so deprived, that when you make a batch of cookies, they look like this = white trash

St. Davids Christian Writers Conference

I was one busy bee in June. I've wanted to write about our family's first vacation to the beach, during the second week of June, but the terrors are still too raw, and I haven't been able to laugh about it yet. I'll just tell you, when I first found out the St. David's Christian Writer's Conference was to begin a few days after returning from our vacation, I was hesitant to go, but when the time came, I couldn’t drive there fast enough.

Lesson 119: needing a vacation from your vacation = white trash

The conference ran from June 21-25. I was only able to stay until the 24th, and within that time I utilized not only Adam, but an additional four babysitters. The kids were spread out all over the place.

Lesson 120: leaving for a few days, and needing a whole village to take care of your kids = white trash

I had an awesome time at the conference. It’s been a long, long, long, long, LOOOONG time since I’ve had a moment to concentrate on ME. I barely knew how to act. Luckily, to ease this transition, I was put right to work as golf cart driver.

I got to know a good majority of the conferees as I drove them, and their luggage, from the registration area to the dorm rooms of Grove City College. It truly surprised me that anyone would want to get in a golf cart driven by a slaphappy weirdo drunk on her newly found independence. This speaks volumes about the type of people who attend this conference. Let’s just say, I felt very at home. My mentor for the week, Anne Siegrist (who rocks!), told me, during one of morning workshops, “I never felt like I belonged anywhere until I came to St. David’s.” Everyone, for the most part, was kind and nurturing, with a touch of creative crazy. My kind of peeps.

I learned loads of new information. I think I stuffed my brain a little too full on the first day, because after my classes, during free time, I went down to the dorm, called Adam, and that is the last thing I remember.

Lesson 121: passing out like a kindergartener on their first day of school = one out-of-the-loop white trash lady

When I awoke, I grabbed my phone to check the time. FIVE?! I couldn’t miss dinner and all the free ice cream! I sat up in a daze, and made my way to the bathroom door. I was unsure if I had to pee or not, so I stood in the doorway for a few minutes, looking like one of the undead, trying to decide. Published author, and faculty member, Nancy Skultety, shared a suite with my Aunt Carol and me, which means we shared a bathroom. To my embarrassment, as I stood there looking deranged, Nancy opened her door. With my brain not firing on all cylinders, I said, “I fell asleep. Do I look like crap?” “No, you look fine,” she nicely stated. I didn’t even say goodbye. I just turned and waddled away with visions of sprinkles on my mind.

Lesson 122: scaring someone you look up to, with your zombie-like whale presence = white trash

When I got to dinner, my Aunt Carol lovingly told me there were lines on my face, and my hair didn’t look as nice as it had previously looked. Awesome.

Lesson 123: going to dinner with writing professionals, looking like a child just getting up from her nappy-nap = white trash

I did much better the rest of the week. My brain finally adjusted, and it, along with my soul, reveled in the adult conversations about writing, and the encouraging words that made me feel like I had self worth. No one there saw me as the maid, or the go-to-lady to get a Poptart. People called me by name. I didn’t go by “Mom-I-need.” It was glorious.

One of the highlights of my week was when the children writers got together for a critique group. I brought the first chapter of my mid-grade novel, New Earth and the Self-Proclaimed King. I had taken it to the WPaSCBWI conference in the fall, and had gotten so many critiques I felt like maybe writing wasn’t for me. I quickly got over it and fixed my manuscript.

This time, I got great reviews. It was simply amazing. Not to mention, some of the people in the St. David’s critique group had also been in my SCBWI critique group. When it was over, I walked on clouds for quite some time.

Chapels, classes, coffeehouses, writing, camaraderie, lots of ice cream, and let’s not forget the auction that made me break out in hives, filled my days.

Lesson 124: breaking out in hives because others are spending money = white trash

The all time high and honor came at the very end of the week. I won a book for having the most magazines on the back of my toilet……..just kidding. Well, that did really happen, but it wasn’t the highlight. I’m really talking about winning the Alma K. Weber award, which is an award given to the most promising first-time conferee. I was very surprised, and almost couldn’t get up to get my award.

Lesson 125: not being able to accept an award, because your feet have swollen out of your shoes = white trash

What an honor….and challenge! Now, I actually have to make something of myself. Oh the pressure. Thank you St. David’s for the wonderful week, and believing in me at a point when I didn’t even believe in myself.

So, if anyone out there writes, and is looking for a week to get away and spend it working on your craft with some of the most wonderful people in the world, I highly recommend St. David’s. http://www.stdavidswriters.com/

Date Night

Adam and I got to go on a date last night.

Lesson 118: Your hot date night being nothing more than facing some Taco Bell in the Walmart parking lot = SERIOUS white trash

God's Sense of Humor

BAM! There it is. Twins. How the heck did that happen?! I said I only wanted 7 kids. So, God gently reminded me who was in charge of my life. Obviously, it's not me. My 7th baby, who was supposed to be the perfect completion and give me rest, has now turned into our 7th and 8th baby, and they are both boys. Hmmmmm......when I think about having 7 boys in the house, the word rest doesn't come to mind.

So, how does one act upon finding out they are having twins? I will now share our reactions with you.

My sonogram appointment was scheduled for 9:00 am, but the technician didn't come to get us until 9:45. When we entered the dark, warm room, full of screens and machines, the sonogram technician said, "Sorry for the wait, but the couple before you had a surprise twin pregnancy."

"Oh man, that would suck!" I snorted, as my big butt tried to get comfortable on the hard bed, where I would be spending the next 30 minutes.

"Ugh, can you imagine?" Adam asked me, nudging my arm.

The technician just laughed as she asked, "Do you want to know the sex?"

"It's a boy," I bluntly told her.

She looked surprised. "Did you already have a sonogram?"

"No, but this is my 7th pregnancy. Trust me, it's a boy."

She smiled as she squeezed a pile of warm blue ooze all over my rounded belly. She placed the wand, and did a quick scan over my whole stomach. It was all a quick blur. Adam and I could definitely see a baby, but she didn't linger long enough to get a good look.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said seeming frustrated, "You're having twins too."

"Hahaha," I laughed, "yeah right. That's funny."

The sonogram lady didn't respond to me. She put the wand down and went to the door, she opened it and yelled down the hall, "I have another surprise twin pregnancy."

My laughing smile straightened. In a panic, I turned to Adam who looked just as confused, "What's going on?" I asked, "Is this really happening?"

Adam shrugged. A lot of help he was. I put my head back down on the pillow, made of, what seemed like brick. I couldn't speak. At that point I probably should never speak again.

 Lesson 116: saying something would "suck" before seeing if you are in the same boat = white trash

I was glad Adam could speak. "Are you sure it's twins? Are you sure it's not just a baby with two heads?" Uh.....Ok, maybe Adam shouldn't have been speaking either.



Lesson 117: being in such shock, you think having a two-headed baby is better than having twins = white trash

The lady laughed as she once again scanned my stomach. "It's definitely twins. Look. Here's baby one," she said as she moved the wand around my bottom left side, "and here's baby two," she pulled the wand up to my right.

Adam and I stared blankly at the screen for a long, long......very long time, then Adam looked at me and we both started laughing.

"We need a bigger house," Adam laughed.

"We need a bigger car," I stated. Adam looked at me with crazy in his eyes, "They don't make cars big enough for us any more." He leaned over and kissed my forhead.

We enjoyed the rest of the sonogram, joking the whole time. When we left, Adam said, "Well, that was different." He was referring to earlier that morning when it was time to leave. Adam had put in 71 hours at work the previous week, 45 hours of those were put in from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So, it was no easy task trying to wake him up at 7:30 on Monday morning. "I won't be mad if you don't have the energy to go," I told him, "You've seen a million of these. It's not necessary."

He grumbled as he used all his strength to remove himself from our bed, "No, I want to go," he insisted. Boy, am I glad he got up.

Everyone has been really supportive, for the most part. We do get a lot of, "What are you going to do?" Adam and I just laugh and shrug. We don't know what God's plan is at the moment, but he's never left us hanging. We need a bigger vehicle, we know he'll supply it. We need a bigger house, we're sure he'll find one. We need more money to feed this crazy family, and we know he'll provide it. He's not going to bless us with this responsibility and not give us the means to see it through. This isn't something to lose sleep over. I'm sure we'll lose plenty once the twins get here.

Thank you God, I am humbled by your blessings. :)

Mothers' Day

You know, I really don't care that much for Mothers' Day. Adam always has to do some sort of Mothers' Day brunch for every other mother in the area, so he leaves around 6am and doesn't return until midnight. I'm left alone with the kids all day long, and for some reason my kids ALWAYS choose this day to be their absolute worst. My Mom always tells me, "They're just reminding you that you're a mother." Thanks Mom.

This has been my day so far:

5:30 - Adam alarm wakes me up and not him.

6:19 - I fight with Adam to get out of bed, because he's late.

6:50 - slamming doors

6:51 - Jovie screaming in my face. I tell her to go watch TV. Instead she goes and wakes Stone up.

6:53 - I'm up and Jude is yelling at me because he wants brownies for breakfast.

6:58 - Breakfast demands are yelled at me, while Jovie cries, and I'm still fighting with Jude about the dang brownies.

7:04 - Jovie pees on the couch

7:10 - Jovie dumps her bowl of cereal and milk on the couch next to the pee stain. Oh, by the way, she's still crying.

7:20 - I finally get to eat my soggy cereal. Jovie is STILL crying and Jude is STILL whining about brownies.

7:23 - I give in and serve brownies.

7:25 - I clean up the Tupperware that Stone threw on the floor as I cut brownies.

7:26 - help Jovie pee on the little potty in the living room

7:27 - I perform a partial Heimlich manuever on Stone who's choking on a brownie.

 7:29 - help Jovie pee on the potty - again

7:33 - make Jovie popcorn in hopes that she stops crying......it doesn't work.

7:36 - I'm forced to listen to the absolute worst version of Wheels on the Bus I have ever heard. Where my kids found this cd? I'll never know.

7:40 - I run to my room to hide for a few minutes.

7:45 - I clean up popcorn that Jovie dumped all over my bed. By the way, she's still screaming and crying.

7:50 - I throw a still crying Jovie in her bed in fear that if she doesn't go away from me, she may not live to see the afternoon.

7:56 - I pour a cup of coffee (that I made myself), just to find I have no creamer left. (SUPER FROWNIE-FACE)

8:00 - I hide in my room with Stone and my cup of coffee to watch Curb Appeal, and dream about someone coming and fixing our mess of a home......I enjoy my show for 5 minutes.

8:06 - Stone starts crying b/c he wants my coffee.

8:40 - I let Jovie out and put Stone in for a nap.

8:49 - Jovie comes in my room screaming with the bowl of popcorn, with Jude hot on her trail saying, "Popcorn! Popcorn! Gimme that Popcorn!" in his best Cookie Monster voice. I give Jude a small bowl of popcorn and ask him to leave Jovie alone.

Not sure when - Jovie locks herself in the boys room with the popcorn.

8:59 - Jovie comes out of the room, and proudly tells me to come and see. She has filled a dresser with popcorn.

9:00 - "Whoever gave this child popcorn is going to get punched in the face."

9:01 - I punch myself in the face.

9:09 - Jovie wakes Stone up for the second time today.

9:30 - I didn't get to sevrve at mass today, because I couldn't find a babysitter. I definitely can't take the kids to church by myself. We can't take Jovie EVER!

Lesson 115: Not being able to take your daughter to church because she screams as soon as she enters like the Devil is burning inside her = white trash

No Mothers' Day blessing for me, yet again.

9:49 - changed 2 poopy diapers.

10:14 - find a plague of ants in my kitchen

10:17 - I take out the garbage.

10:19 - I go upstairs to find the bleach and found a pile of banana peels on the floor. I'm forced to clean the upstairs floor.

10:26 - come downstairs and bleach my kitchen floor.

10:37 - I find Stone unloading a basket of clean, folded laundry onto the floor.

10:39 - I'm eating brownies as a form of chocolate therapy. Stone's crying at my legs, Jovie's crying, and Jude is punching me in the rear chanting, "Mom's butt! Mom's butt!"

Sometime after 10:39 - I don't even bother looking at the clock because all I can see is red, when I walk into the living room to see Jovie has dumped her training potty all over the floor. I then have to clean my 3rd floor within a half an hour.

This is where I'm going to stop. It's now 11:15am, and I'm so exhausted that I want to cry. I haven't showered, and I haven't started my daily chores of laundry and dishes.

To all those other mothers out there, I hope you are having a better day, the way Mothers' Day should be. If you're having a day like me, do what I do, keep in mind all those who would love to have the privilege of suffering through a day like today, but can't.

So, even though I've screamed enough this morning to cause an aneurism, I'm still thankful that God has blessed me so many times.

Now, I really must run. Jovie is crying again, Jagger is demanding food, I can't see Stone, and Jude and Jet are chanting, "Cheese Party" out in the kitchen. Scary.

Happy Mothers' Day to all! May God bless you today and always! :)

Anniversary

Today, eight years ago, Adam was crazy enough to say "I do". Sucker.

Adam is always so thoughtful. Last year, he found out copper represented the 7th year, so he spent hours in the garage forging a heart shaped bracelet made of copper. Very sweet.

This year, he got online to see what he could do for me. He was pretty bummed to see it was bronze. He came to me scratching his head, "Honey, I think this year is gonna suck. I don't know where I'm going to find bronze scraps."

With Adam being deathly ill and having to work, and with our financial funds being low, we decided to write this anniversary off as a loss. He did see, however, during his research, that the 8th year is commonly overlooked, but it usually marks the year for prosperity. Bring it on!

As my present to him, I decided I would learn how to cook. No, I don't know how. I'm horrible. Adam actually has pictures of some of my failed attempts. My own mother didn't even let me in the kitchen growing up. Not since I burnt no-bake cookies. Don't ask.

So, as my first attempt to make my husband dinner, I chose soup and pumpkin souffle. I'm proud to say, it didn't turn out bad. I definitely added too many noodles to the soup, but it tastes ok. I did run into a small hitch. I tried to call my mom, but she wasn't home. I talked to my younger brother, "She's not home from work yet," he said. I sighed, knowing I will never live this down, "Is Ronnie home?"

Lesson 114: at age 31, having to call your 15 year old sister to find out what exactly is a casserole dish = white trash

Thanks Ronnie for clearing that up. Just for the record, my thoughts were right. I'm not a complete idiot. lol.

Happy Anniversary my sweet, sweet Adam. Only for you would I brave the kitchen!