Date Night

Adam and I got to go on a date last night.

Lesson 118: Your hot date night being nothing more than facing some Taco Bell in the Walmart parking lot = SERIOUS white trash

God's Sense of Humor

BAM! There it is. Twins. How the heck did that happen?! I said I only wanted 7 kids. So, God gently reminded me who was in charge of my life. Obviously, it's not me. My 7th baby, who was supposed to be the perfect completion and give me rest, has now turned into our 7th and 8th baby, and they are both boys. Hmmmmm......when I think about having 7 boys in the house, the word rest doesn't come to mind.

So, how does one act upon finding out they are having twins? I will now share our reactions with you.

My sonogram appointment was scheduled for 9:00 am, but the technician didn't come to get us until 9:45. When we entered the dark, warm room, full of screens and machines, the sonogram technician said, "Sorry for the wait, but the couple before you had a surprise twin pregnancy."

"Oh man, that would suck!" I snorted, as my big butt tried to get comfortable on the hard bed, where I would be spending the next 30 minutes.

"Ugh, can you imagine?" Adam asked me, nudging my arm.

The technician just laughed as she asked, "Do you want to know the sex?"

"It's a boy," I bluntly told her.

She looked surprised. "Did you already have a sonogram?"

"No, but this is my 7th pregnancy. Trust me, it's a boy."

She smiled as she squeezed a pile of warm blue ooze all over my rounded belly. She placed the wand, and did a quick scan over my whole stomach. It was all a quick blur. Adam and I could definitely see a baby, but she didn't linger long enough to get a good look.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said seeming frustrated, "You're having twins too."

"Hahaha," I laughed, "yeah right. That's funny."

The sonogram lady didn't respond to me. She put the wand down and went to the door, she opened it and yelled down the hall, "I have another surprise twin pregnancy."

My laughing smile straightened. In a panic, I turned to Adam who looked just as confused, "What's going on?" I asked, "Is this really happening?"

Adam shrugged. A lot of help he was. I put my head back down on the pillow, made of, what seemed like brick. I couldn't speak. At that point I probably should never speak again.

 Lesson 116: saying something would "suck" before seeing if you are in the same boat = white trash

I was glad Adam could speak. "Are you sure it's twins? Are you sure it's not just a baby with two heads?" Uh.....Ok, maybe Adam shouldn't have been speaking either.



Lesson 117: being in such shock, you think having a two-headed baby is better than having twins = white trash

The lady laughed as she once again scanned my stomach. "It's definitely twins. Look. Here's baby one," she said as she moved the wand around my bottom left side, "and here's baby two," she pulled the wand up to my right.

Adam and I stared blankly at the screen for a long, long......very long time, then Adam looked at me and we both started laughing.

"We need a bigger house," Adam laughed.

"We need a bigger car," I stated. Adam looked at me with crazy in his eyes, "They don't make cars big enough for us any more." He leaned over and kissed my forhead.

We enjoyed the rest of the sonogram, joking the whole time. When we left, Adam said, "Well, that was different." He was referring to earlier that morning when it was time to leave. Adam had put in 71 hours at work the previous week, 45 hours of those were put in from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So, it was no easy task trying to wake him up at 7:30 on Monday morning. "I won't be mad if you don't have the energy to go," I told him, "You've seen a million of these. It's not necessary."

He grumbled as he used all his strength to remove himself from our bed, "No, I want to go," he insisted. Boy, am I glad he got up.

Everyone has been really supportive, for the most part. We do get a lot of, "What are you going to do?" Adam and I just laugh and shrug. We don't know what God's plan is at the moment, but he's never left us hanging. We need a bigger vehicle, we know he'll supply it. We need a bigger house, we're sure he'll find one. We need more money to feed this crazy family, and we know he'll provide it. He's not going to bless us with this responsibility and not give us the means to see it through. This isn't something to lose sleep over. I'm sure we'll lose plenty once the twins get here.

Thank you God, I am humbled by your blessings. :)

Mothers' Day

You know, I really don't care that much for Mothers' Day. Adam always has to do some sort of Mothers' Day brunch for every other mother in the area, so he leaves around 6am and doesn't return until midnight. I'm left alone with the kids all day long, and for some reason my kids ALWAYS choose this day to be their absolute worst. My Mom always tells me, "They're just reminding you that you're a mother." Thanks Mom.

This has been my day so far:

5:30 - Adam alarm wakes me up and not him.

6:19 - I fight with Adam to get out of bed, because he's late.

6:50 - slamming doors

6:51 - Jovie screaming in my face. I tell her to go watch TV. Instead she goes and wakes Stone up.

6:53 - I'm up and Jude is yelling at me because he wants brownies for breakfast.

6:58 - Breakfast demands are yelled at me, while Jovie cries, and I'm still fighting with Jude about the dang brownies.

7:04 - Jovie pees on the couch

7:10 - Jovie dumps her bowl of cereal and milk on the couch next to the pee stain. Oh, by the way, she's still crying.

7:20 - I finally get to eat my soggy cereal. Jovie is STILL crying and Jude is STILL whining about brownies.

7:23 - I give in and serve brownies.

7:25 - I clean up the Tupperware that Stone threw on the floor as I cut brownies.

7:26 - help Jovie pee on the little potty in the living room

7:27 - I perform a partial Heimlich manuever on Stone who's choking on a brownie.

 7:29 - help Jovie pee on the potty - again

7:33 - make Jovie popcorn in hopes that she stops crying......it doesn't work.

7:36 - I'm forced to listen to the absolute worst version of Wheels on the Bus I have ever heard. Where my kids found this cd? I'll never know.

7:40 - I run to my room to hide for a few minutes.

7:45 - I clean up popcorn that Jovie dumped all over my bed. By the way, she's still screaming and crying.

7:50 - I throw a still crying Jovie in her bed in fear that if she doesn't go away from me, she may not live to see the afternoon.

7:56 - I pour a cup of coffee (that I made myself), just to find I have no creamer left. (SUPER FROWNIE-FACE)

8:00 - I hide in my room with Stone and my cup of coffee to watch Curb Appeal, and dream about someone coming and fixing our mess of a home......I enjoy my show for 5 minutes.

8:06 - Stone starts crying b/c he wants my coffee.

8:40 - I let Jovie out and put Stone in for a nap.

8:49 - Jovie comes in my room screaming with the bowl of popcorn, with Jude hot on her trail saying, "Popcorn! Popcorn! Gimme that Popcorn!" in his best Cookie Monster voice. I give Jude a small bowl of popcorn and ask him to leave Jovie alone.

Not sure when - Jovie locks herself in the boys room with the popcorn.

8:59 - Jovie comes out of the room, and proudly tells me to come and see. She has filled a dresser with popcorn.

9:00 - "Whoever gave this child popcorn is going to get punched in the face."

9:01 - I punch myself in the face.

9:09 - Jovie wakes Stone up for the second time today.

9:30 - I didn't get to sevrve at mass today, because I couldn't find a babysitter. I definitely can't take the kids to church by myself. We can't take Jovie EVER!

Lesson 115: Not being able to take your daughter to church because she screams as soon as she enters like the Devil is burning inside her = white trash

No Mothers' Day blessing for me, yet again.

9:49 - changed 2 poopy diapers.

10:14 - find a plague of ants in my kitchen

10:17 - I take out the garbage.

10:19 - I go upstairs to find the bleach and found a pile of banana peels on the floor. I'm forced to clean the upstairs floor.

10:26 - come downstairs and bleach my kitchen floor.

10:37 - I find Stone unloading a basket of clean, folded laundry onto the floor.

10:39 - I'm eating brownies as a form of chocolate therapy. Stone's crying at my legs, Jovie's crying, and Jude is punching me in the rear chanting, "Mom's butt! Mom's butt!"

Sometime after 10:39 - I don't even bother looking at the clock because all I can see is red, when I walk into the living room to see Jovie has dumped her training potty all over the floor. I then have to clean my 3rd floor within a half an hour.

This is where I'm going to stop. It's now 11:15am, and I'm so exhausted that I want to cry. I haven't showered, and I haven't started my daily chores of laundry and dishes.

To all those other mothers out there, I hope you are having a better day, the way Mothers' Day should be. If you're having a day like me, do what I do, keep in mind all those who would love to have the privilege of suffering through a day like today, but can't.

So, even though I've screamed enough this morning to cause an aneurism, I'm still thankful that God has blessed me so many times.

Now, I really must run. Jovie is crying again, Jagger is demanding food, I can't see Stone, and Jude and Jet are chanting, "Cheese Party" out in the kitchen. Scary.

Happy Mothers' Day to all! May God bless you today and always! :)

Anniversary

Today, eight years ago, Adam was crazy enough to say "I do". Sucker.

Adam is always so thoughtful. Last year, he found out copper represented the 7th year, so he spent hours in the garage forging a heart shaped bracelet made of copper. Very sweet.

This year, he got online to see what he could do for me. He was pretty bummed to see it was bronze. He came to me scratching his head, "Honey, I think this year is gonna suck. I don't know where I'm going to find bronze scraps."

With Adam being deathly ill and having to work, and with our financial funds being low, we decided to write this anniversary off as a loss. He did see, however, during his research, that the 8th year is commonly overlooked, but it usually marks the year for prosperity. Bring it on!

As my present to him, I decided I would learn how to cook. No, I don't know how. I'm horrible. Adam actually has pictures of some of my failed attempts. My own mother didn't even let me in the kitchen growing up. Not since I burnt no-bake cookies. Don't ask.

So, as my first attempt to make my husband dinner, I chose soup and pumpkin souffle. I'm proud to say, it didn't turn out bad. I definitely added too many noodles to the soup, but it tastes ok. I did run into a small hitch. I tried to call my mom, but she wasn't home. I talked to my younger brother, "She's not home from work yet," he said. I sighed, knowing I will never live this down, "Is Ronnie home?"

Lesson 114: at age 31, having to call your 15 year old sister to find out what exactly is a casserole dish = white trash

Thanks Ronnie for clearing that up. Just for the record, my thoughts were right. I'm not a complete idiot. lol.

Happy Anniversary my sweet, sweet Adam. Only for you would I brave the kitchen!

Hockey

My boys have never expressed an interest in hockey, but this morning I came down to find them playing a game in my kitchen. I think we may have to get them some proper equipment.

Lesson 113: Kids playing a game of hockey with sweeper attachments and cookie cutters = white trash

April Fools' Day

This year I decided to play an April Fools' joke on my kids. Every day, when I come down to get the boys ready for school, Jagger asks, "Three more days of school?", "Two more days of school?", etc. Well, it just so happens that April Fools' Day was on a Friday this year, and boy do my kids look forward to Fridays. I walked into the living room and said, "Boys, the school called last night, and you have to go to school on Saturday and Sunday this week."

My boys reaction was priceless. Jagger went into full on meltdown mode, screaming, "WHAAAAAAAT?!" as he oozed off the couch onto the floor, beginning to cry. Jet sat calmly and whined, "Whyyyyyyyy?"

I quickly told them, "Aaaaapril Foooools!" (with jazz hands). They both stopped the grimacing and started laughing, while giving my the "Aaaaaah, you!"

Anyway, I posted my prank on Facebook. I was pretty proud of my well pulled off joke. I was unprepared, however, for the onslaught of disapproval. "You're mean," was the overall comment. Talking to my one friend later, she said, "That was mean. They're going to get you back."

Get me back?! Get me back?! Are you serious? It's ALWAYS April Fools' Day here, and the joke is ALWAYS on ME!!

Waking me up at all hours of the night for stupid reasons, and not being able to sleep past 8 since 2003.......APRIL FOOLS!

Painting my kitchen, and before the day is over, finding a mural in red crayon covering two walls......APRIL FOOLS!

Speaking of murals, all the wall art over the years, made of crayon, permanent marker, paint, pencil, excrement........APRIL FOOLS!

Jovie being potty trained for two whole weeks, then uh-oh, she completely forgets how to use a toilet, and only pees on my couch and tiny floor rug. It doesn't make sense to pee on a surface that can be totally cleaned with ease.......APRIL FOOLS!

Jag and Jet dumping a whole brand new bottle of 72oz lotion, in their room, to make a home-made slip-and-slide........APRIL FOOLS!

Coming downstairs to find a gallon tub of ice cream with EVERY utensil I own sticking out of it.......APRIL FOOLS!

Jag and Jet unloading 2 containers of baby powder to make the living room look like a winter wonderland......APRIL FOOLS!

Speaking of messes, let's not for get the infamous Ratatouille morning, where I came downstairs to find Jag and Jet with a big mixing bowl completely full of eggs, 4 sticks of butter, and a container of grape tomatoes. Let me tell you, the mess wasn't only in the bowl. On my living room carpet was 1 dozen smashed hard boiled eggs, 3 dozen smashed raw eggs, 4 additional smooshed sticks of butter, and some random tomatoes, all blended into the carpet and strewn about with about 100 playing cards from one of my neighbors games. When I tried to clean the carpet it made meringue...APRIL FOOLS!

Trying to lay down, in bed, after a long, oh-so long day, and instead of my head meeting my pillow, it's met by this.....

                                          ..................................APRIL FOOLS!!

Bed full of pretzels anyone?.................APRIL FOOLS!!!

Not being able to sit and eat more than 2 bites of food before someone needs you to get them something.............APRIL FOOLS!

Destroying my laptop.........APRIL FOOLS!

Cleaning a room, only to have it wrecked within the hour..........APRIL FOOLS!

Jovie throwing raw eggs at Adam while he sleeps in our bed............APRIL FOOLS!

Jovie coming downstairs looking like Beetlejuice and smelling like a coconut, then tells me, "I washed my hair. You're welcome.".................APRIL FOOLS!

Watching annoying kid show after annoying kid show, only to be kept up at night because I can't get their stupid, yet catchy, songs out of my head...........APRIL FOOLS!

Destroying my camera with no remorse..............APRIL FOOLS!

Have I brought up enough examples to make everyone stop hating me? May I please play ONE pitiful joke on my kids without being made to feel guilty? My joke only lasted a minute, at most. I have endured joke after cruel joke for almost a decade.

Lesson 112: your life being one big joke = white trash



I guess I can't be mad. They did learn from the master. :)

Spicy

I don't know what's up with this pregnancy, but I crave hot stuff constantly. Hot sauce is the main staple of my diet. Every day, I sit down and spend some time with Franks Red Hot. The kids are fascinated by this phenomenon, and watch me, like I'm some freak-show, while I eat. If they see me grab the hot sauce bottle one of them will yell to the others, "Hey guys, Mom's eating hot sauce again!" Then they all come running to watch the spectacle.

The other day, Adam and I were in the car, and I said, "I want some hot wings." Adam's reply was, "What is wrong with this baby? Is it Latino?" I laughed. Then he got this look in his eyes, "Are you sleeping with the gardener?" he asked. I bluntly answered, "Yes." He stared at me for a few moments. I think he was trying to figure out why I answered that way. I'm sure, in those few minutes he actually wondered if I was having an affair. I smiled at him and nodded in his direction, and then in the direction of all the yard stuff that FILLED the back of our vehicle. We had just left Lowes to get the things he needed to finish our yard and garden that he had been working on for the past couple of days.

Relief washed over his face as he realized, "Oh yeah, I'm the gardener," he replied.

Lesson 111: being worried your wife is having an affair with your gardener, only to realize you are too poor to afford a gardener and YOU ARE the gardener = white trash

Man, how's he going to react when he hears I'm also sleeping with our plumber, electrician, in-house chef, mechanic, and handy-man?