October 20, 2012

Stoned To Death

My 2 year old, Stone, is one of the cutest little boys you'll ever see. He's got big beautiful brown eyes, with the nicest eyelashes, and a smile to make your heart melt.

He may look sweet and innocent, but when he and the twins were put in the same bedroom, he made it his personal mission to figure out a way to rub Rex and Fox out.

I may have removed everything from their room, but it didn't stop him.The child got out of his bed and quietly climbed around upstairs looking for supplies. He tried to drown Rex by dumping a large cup of water on his face. He's fed the twins toothpaste, A & D ointment, anti-fungal foot cream, hand lotion, and detangler. I also found Fox swimming in a bed full of prenatal vitamins. Did I mention Stone is really good at removing child-proof lids? And please don't think I just left this stuff laying around. To get to my prenatal vitamins he must have climbed on my bed, then lept onto my dresser, and climbed to the top of my tv. Unless he can fly and hasn't let me in on his secret.  

He was also caught feeding the twins pencil sharpeners, and the smallest Legos he can find in his older brothers' bedroom.

I finally got tired of his shenanigans, so one night, when I put them to bed I closed and locked all other rooms upstairs. A little while later I heard some loud thuds and the sound of a door knob being turned violently. I ran upstairs and was horrified by what I saw. Stone had pushed the twins beds over, dumping them onto the floor. My cute little doe-eyed two year old had done this.....

What added to my terror was while my twins rolled around free on their bedroom floor, Stone was picking the bathroom lock with a piece of plastic! I called Adam crying, "I think Stone is going to be a criminal!"

Lesson 164: your 2 year old being capable of breaking and entering and attempted homicide all in one night = white trash

After a few weeks of this kind of behavior, and a lot of yelling and punishment, Adam and I thought real hard about why he would be doing these things. He had always been so kind and helpful before. That's when it hit us. He was trying to be kind and helpful in a way we weren't seeing. He could get out of his bed and play, so it made sense that he would try to help the twins out of theirs. And truth be told, I find Stone eating toothpaste by himself, so maybe he was just trying to share something he enjoyed. (For the record, it's NOT something I allow him to do!)

Thinking about these facts, we decided to give Stone some chores, and to let him help out with the twins. Now we let him feed them, but he feeds them actual food. He gets them diapers when I need them, and throws the gross ones in the garbage. He helps clean up the toys at the end of the day, and helps me empty the dishwasher. Ever since then the twins have been safe in their beds, and Stone doesn't get out of his until morning. Maybe his need for helping is satisfied, or maybe he's just completely tired from all the extra work. Either way, now at bed time we all rest a little easier. 

October 18, 2012

Drive-Thru Window

A few weeks ago there was a bit of sibling conflict. Jovie and Jude had ganged up against Jet and Jagger. I'm not sure if Jovie and Jude were trying to get outside or they were keeping Jet and Jagger from coming in. All I know is it turned into an all out brawl on my front porch. Screaming and door slamming filled the air.

I was upstairs trying to fold about 900 loads of laundry, so having to stop to break up a fight made me very angry. I stomped down and put a stop to the show my kids were putting on for the neighbors. I snatched Jovie and Jude up then tried to open the door to chase after Jagger and Jet who had run away. I pushed on the door, but it didn't give. I thought it was locked. I checked. Nope. The kids had broken it, and it was stuck shut.

This happened on a Friday. So I knew we'd have to live with it until Monday when Adam had some time away from work.

On Saturday I had to work at the restaurant as well. Not wanting Adam's cousin Liz to lose her mind watching my kids, I decided to go online and order them a pizza for dinner.

That night when I came home, Liz chuckled, "When the pizza got here I couldn't open the door."

"Oh my gosh! I totally forgot about the door. Did you have to go out back and walk around?" I asked.

She laughed, "No, Jovie said, 'I know!" then she went and opened the window. She took the pizza and said, 'Thanks old man.'"

Can you see the look of horror on my face? I didn't know whether to be more embarrassed by the fact they got the pizza through the window, or that Jovie called this poor guy "old man". I sighed, "I hope the neighbors didn't see that."

Lesson 163: having a pizza delivered through your window because your kids broke the front door in a Jerry Springer style showdown = white trash

October 14, 2012

Sore Throat Cure

Adam has been sick for a week and one of his main complaints was the sore throat that went with it. So, when Jude came down with the same cold I knew his throat had to hurt too.

I went down to the boys' room the day after Jude got sick to check on him. "Hey buddy, how're you feeling?"

"Fine," Jude told me.

"Is your throat sore?"

"Not anymore."

Jude is our tough guy, so I knew he would never admit to feeling ill.

"Are you sure?" I asked, trying to get him to admit it.

"It did hurt, but Jet punched me in the neck and now it doesn't hurt anymore," he smiled.

"What?!" I turned my attention to Jet sitting on the couch playing video games. He looked up at me and smiled. "Did you punch Jude in the neck?"

He proudly nodded, "Jude told me he had a sore throat, so I punched him in the neck."

I looked at Jude, "Did you ask him to punch you?" I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer.

"Yeah. When you have a sore throat, if someone punches you in the neck it goes away," he explained. He and Jet both looked at me as if to say 'Duh Mom, everyone knows that.'

"Uh, do you boys do this often?"

Jet answered, "Only if we have a sore throat."

Shocked at my boys' medical discovery, I decided I had heard enough. As I walked back upstairs I mentioned, "Wouldn't a cough drop be easier?" Of course, I'm not a 7 year old doctor. Who knew my basement was full of Doogie Howsers?

Lesson 162: a punch in the neck being your go to cure for a sore throat = white trash