February 28, 2013


There are many, many things that happen in the Johnston household as a result of me trying to do something else. Here are a few examples:

1. If I mop the floor, before I even put the mop away, a sippy cup will leak, someone will lose all bowel function, or there will be peanut butter smeared on my freshly cleaned surface.

2. If I sweep the floor, within seconds, someone will drop a bowl of dry cereal and at least 3 kids will step on it before I get a chance to clean it up.

3. If I clean the toilet, before I leave the bathroom, someone will come and pee on the seat.

4. If, at the end of the night, all the dishes are in the dishwasher and it is running, all my kids will want cereal as a snack, leaving a stack of dirty dishes in the sink.

5. If I need a few more bowls to fill the dishwasher at the end of the night, so I can run it, all my kids will eat a granola bar for snack.

6.If I take a shower, as soon as I turn off the water, someone will come in and leave the door wide open.

7. If I go to the bathroom I will be followed by my entourage.

8. If someone asks me if my kids have all been healthy, one of my kids will become ill within the hour.

9. If I receive a gift, my children will break it, steal it, or use all of it by the end of the week.

10. If the older kids are in school, and all the younger kids take a nap, someone will call me on the phone. (I'm not meant to sleep.......EVER! The world is against me on this.)

11. If I need everyone to get up early, they sleep in.

12. If it's a day that I could use an extra half hour of sleep, all the kids get up before 5.

13. If I change a diaper without feces in it, that child will poop five minutes later.

14. If I run out of paper towels, at least a half a gallon of milk will be dumped onto the floor.

15. If I finish all the laundry, Adam will come home with two work shirts and tell me they need to be washed by the next day.

16. If I leave a basket of folded laundry unattended for any span of time, when I return it will all be unfolded on the floor with at least 2 kids screaming and fighting over the empty basket.

17. If we replace flooring, it will be damaged within a week. ex.) We put white carpet down in the hallway and two days later Jagger threw-up blueberries on it. Or when Adam rolled out the new carpet in our room. It wasn't even secured down before Jovie and Stone dumped half a can of Kilz in the middle of the room. Or when we put laminate flooring down in the living room and the kids decided to push the couch, that conveniently had a screw sticking out of the bottom of it, half way across the room.

18. If given a choice between a box full of shiny toys and a box of my book-keeping work from the restaurant, the kids will choose my work box. EVERY TIME.

19. If we go somewhere and forget the diaper bag, when we arrive all children in diapers will have pooped.

20. If I start a blog that is making a list, and want it to be a decent length, I will give birth to a new baby before I finish, and typing one sentence will be WAY more difficult than it should be! I'm ending here b/c half of these phenomenons are happening as I speak, and to top it off, I have a newborn baby crying to be nursed! Welcome our little baby Hawk to the crazy Johnston clan!