September 4, 2009

Baby Smackin' Purse

The families on our street are big breeders. (We fit right in!) We all joke there is something in the water on our hill. No family has less than 3 children and some families have up to 8! It’s great for our kids since it’s never hard to find someone to play with.

As most of you know, all children are completely different. Some are full of energy, while others enjoy sitting around and coloring. A good majority of them on our street are very outspoken, and the rest just follow their demands. We adults (Jackie, Adam, our occasional basement dweller, and myself) find it quite amusing to watch these little personalities interact with one another.

One particular day I had three of my neighbor’s younger children over to play with my three younger boys. So I had six kids in my back yard from ages 2-5. That kind of scenario requires more than one adult, so I summoned my basement dweller at the time, Brett, who is my first cousin and had inhabited my basement for a year.

The play-date went smoothly. The kids got along great as they usually do. My oldest son, Marky, who is 9, used to be really good friends with our neighbors 8 year old daughter. They were close when they were younger before the boy/girl lines were drawn. Back then there was nothing too girly or too boyish for either of them to try for the sake of the other. Unfortunately, after they began school, they drifted apart. Marky became more interested in video games, and she became enthralled with fashion and flirting with boys. It breaks my heart to see them interact now. She compliments him on his hair or clothes while batting her eyes, and he returns the gesture with a monotone, “Whatever.” What happened to the two kids laughing hysterically as they raced their Big Wheels down the hill?

Anyway, their parents had obviously sent her to retrieve the younger kids, because here she came, strutting down my driveway, hand on her hip, toward the back yard like it was some sort of catwalk. She burst through the gate and struck a pose. She was decked out in leopard print slip-on shoes, stretch pants to match, a white sweater dress that was gathered in the middle by a gold chain belt, and enormous gold hoop earrings. Her older sisters must have gotten to her, because her hair was done up for a ball and she was wearing more makeup than the Joker.

She looked at her brother and sisters and shrieked in her best diva voice, “Kids! Get down to the house before I smack you with my purse!” The kids stopped playing and looked at her. “I’ll do it!” she reaffirmed, shaking her head from side to side with attitude.

Brett and I both burst out in laughter. “Man, it just got real ghetto up in this piece.” Brett chuckled. She immediately shot him a nasty look.

As the kids hurried out the gate I asked Marky’s old playmate, “So, you have a baby smackin’ purse, huh?”

She turned and gave me the evil eye, and for a moment I was scared she was going to use that dreaded bag of magical powers on me! Her 5 year old sister was just about to leave the yard, but turned to quickly address me. “She really does. She has a purse.”

Miss Thang gave me a vindicated look and followed her siblings home. As soon as they were out of sight, Brett and I looked at each other and simultaneously said, “Wow."

Lesson 6: Eight year old girl with a baby smackin’ purse will someday = white trash

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