Finding out we were having a daughter was quite a surprise. We really thought Adam could only make men. In fact, when we got the ultrasound and were told the results, Adam swore at the lady.
Lesson 21: Telling an ultrasound technician to “Shut the *@#% up!” upon getting the results of having your first daughter = white trash
When we found out we were having another baby, we were hopeful that our luck hadn’t run out. It would have been wonderful for Jovie to have a sister. All the signs pointed to girl. Adam said to me, “I think you’re having a girl.”
“Why?” I asked.
In a very careful tone, he replied, “Well, you’re really broken out and you just aren’t glowing like you did with the boys.”
I stared at him, batting my eyes with attitude. “This is my 6th baby.” I dryly responded. “Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, the glow is gone.”
After going to my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago we found out that, yes indeed, the glow is gone. There, floating around in my uterus, flexing his muscles, was our 5th son.
Now, I don’t have a problem with having a lot of boys. Never a dull moment at our house, there’s always some sort of wrestling match, battle between Jedis and Siths, Nerf wars, fort building, or ninja competition going on.
Of course, there are some down sides to a house full of boys. To start, I would like to say that the men of my house are far more creative than most. Unfortunately, that is going to have to be a whole other topic of discussion.
The second is their crazy physical feats. This has resulted in limited furniture. We used to have a coffee table in the middle of our living room. After Jagger gave himself a couple of black eyes, and I caught him and Marky tap dancing on the glass panes on top, I got rid of it.
All four boys currently share a bedroom, which closely resembles a prison cell. They have nothing more than two sets of metal framed bunk beds. We never put in a set of closet doors in fear that they would break them in some sort of man brawl. They’ve also lost their light privileges after I caught Jagger hanging from the ceiling light fixture in their room.
We just bought our first couch this year, after almost a decade of used furniture. When the salesman asked if we wanted to spend extra money on scotch guard and reinforced structure features, we laughed in his face and told him despite all efforts, our kids will ultimately find a way to run it into the ground within a year. We figured we’d save our money instead of investing in a lost cause.
The other down side I’d like to talk about, ignoring the obvious food bill that hasn’t seen a pubescent teenage boy grocery list yet, is the man funk that is inescapable. All boys put off this pungent man odor. You can always tell a house that has a majority of men. It never has an aroma of flowers or sweet smelling citrus, no it usually smells like a combination of dirty socks and musk, unless you have teenage boys, then it smells more like sweaty jock straps and acne creams.
My house is no better despite all my efforts. I bathe my kids every night trying in feeble attempt to minimize the funk, but they wake up in the morning in their natural boy scent. I’ve tried Febreeze, Lysol, scented candles, and have Bath and Body Works plug-ins all over the house, but have only ever achieve a fruity gym sock smell.
Lesson 22: house with man funk stench = white trash
It gets disheartening at times as I lose the war, but luckily when things are at their smelliest, I have my daughter, whose curly hair has a natural floral scent. I hold her in my lap and sniff her hair that takes me from this stinky man dungeon to a field of flowers. Of course, you can never fully escape the funk, so it’s more like a field located beside a sewage plant!