June 7, 2010

Standard Dress

I had a bad morning yesterday. My boys have a clock in their room and aren't allowed to come out until it says 6:00 with the a.m. dot glowing. (Jag has a habit of waking himself and everyone else up at 4am.) Yesterday, they ignored that rule. At 5 my boys were screaming and running up and down the hall. Then Jude decided Jovie shouldn't miss out on the fun, so he opened her door and woke her up.

I laid in bed wishing the nonsense would magically stop. No....no....of course it had to get worse. A few minutes later I hear, "Ewwww! Jovie, don't play with your poop."

I leapt out of bed, but it was too late. The poop monster struck again for the third time this week.

After I cleaned her up, I went downstairs and put all my kids in time-out. Jovie for playing in her dung, and the boys for not obeying the rules. Jude got extra time for lying. He told me Jovie opened her own door, which is absolutely not possible. Good try Jude.

While they were crying in time-out, I nursed Stone and flipped through my issue of Family Fun. On one of the back pages I saw a coupon for those Family Stick Figure decals. Adam and I want to get one because we know it would look ridiculous. I let the kids up and got on the computer to design my family in stick form.

I opted for the fancier version, where you could make your stick figure doing something. I made Adam's a chef. Marky's played video games. I chose one playing soccer for Jagger, and one reading a book for Jet. Jude's character was playing with cars. I found a curly headed little girl carrying a purse to represent Jovie, and Stone was a cute little baby.

Moving on to me, I couldn't wait to see what my person could be doing. First, the head. I scrolled down, but the only thing that was close to me was the boring one, labeled "bob". Eh, I clicked it anyway. I then proceeded to the body. There were so many to choose from. The list seemed endless. I scrolled down. Then, scrolled down some more. Went back to the top and started again. Nothing. I don't ride horses. I don't cook. I'm not a diva. I don't surf, play football, or am a shop-a-holic. And for crying out loud, I don't LUGE!

Depressed, I picked a triangle dress. Looking below the picture I saw it was labeled, "Standard Dress". My heart broke. Bob, and standard dress? I'm the Jane Doe of stick figures. I grumbled away from the computer and slumped down on the couch, zoning out to the boys playing video games.

Adam came down a few minutes later. Knowing me all too well, he took one look at me and asked, "What's the matter baby?"

Near tears I exploded, "I was trying to make us one of the family stick figure stickers, because I had a coupon," Adam smiled at the mention of a coupon, he's amused by my love of a good deal, "and everyone else got something fun, but I got standard dress. STANDARD DRESS! There's nothing special about me. I have no talent! Where's the stick figure with a vacuum? Or, how about one cleaning poop? Huh?! Where?!"

Lesson 73: wanting a stick figure cleaning up feces on your back window to represent yourself = white trash
"Did you order the sticker?" Adam asked with a smile.
I crossed my arms like a little kid, "No. I'm not getting one until they come out with a Superwoman outfit."

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