August 16, 2012

Putting Away Groceries

I hate putting away groceries. Not only does it take me a good half hour, but I have to fight off kids who want to sample every new thing that comes into this house. Unfortunately, for most snacks, if they all sample something, it is gone.

Lesson 156: Having more kids than servings of fruit snacks in a box of Gushers = white trash

This morning, when I came home from the 5 million grocery stores I go to to ensure I get the best deals, and save the most money, I was happy to see all my kids were already having their mid-morning snack. I walked in and said, "You're eating a snack, don't ask for any of this food." I thought putting away groceries was going to be a breeze for once.

I started with the cold food that needed to be put in the fridge and freezer. When I opened the fridge I noticed a lot of things in there that needed to come out. Jude has a bad habit of putting his cups in there to keep his drinks cold, but when they're empty he just leaves them in there. I removed 3 cups. Stone also likes to hide toys in the fridge. Don't ask me why. I removed a tea party plate, Spider-man, a toy medicine cup, and a puppy.

Lesson 157: fridge being full of toys and empty dirty dishes = white trash

After those things were gone, I saw some expired food that needed to be thrown away. I went over to the garbage door. (We keep our garbage hidden behind a door, under our island.) I opened the door and garbage exploded all over me. I'm talking wrappers, cheese, orange peels, and coffee grounds all over my feet and floor. I sighed, took out the garbage, and cleaned the floor. I grabbed a garbage bag and went back to the fridge.

As soon as I opened the door I heard Stone say, "Ew....gross." I looked behind me. Stone stood on Jet's guitar amplifier with poop falling out of his diaper. Stupid cheap diapers. My head about exploded. I closed the fridge, cleaned Stone, the floor, and scrubbed Jet's amplifier. (Of course it had to get in all the little nook and crannies!)

When that was taken care of, I cautiously opened the fridge, and actually got things put away. Happy with my accomplishment, I picked up the empty bags and tried to stand up. That's when my butt got caught on the fridge door, ripping the piece that holds all the items on the door in place. Condiments fell at my feet, and the pickle jar lid popped off on impact, dousing me and the floor in pickle juice.

Lesson 158: breaking the fridge with your butt = white trash

I cleaned the floor for the third time in 20 minutes, put away the dry goods, and picked up the Aldi bags to put them away, and be done with the whole ridiculous ordeal. We keep the bags above the stairs going down to the basement. I tried to put them away, but for some reason they wouldn't stay in their place today. Totally frustrated, I smashed them into the shelf. I really need to control my temper, all that angry shoving launched a Halloween bucket full of cassette tapes in my face. I yelled, "It's 2012! Who the heck has a pumpkin bucket full of tapes?!"

Lesson 159: hoarding a Halloween bucket full of cassette tapes from the 90's and not owning a cassette player = white trash

I picked up the tapes and decided to put my bags somewhere else. The new place ended with a box of plastic spoons falling on my head. I left the bags, and put the spoons on the counter. I'll deal with them later. I had reached my ceiling.

Maybe kids sampling food isn't so bad after all.

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