Urine

Our Jude-Dude has always been a little odd. The child has a unique, yet hilarious sense of humor, and has understood and used sarcasm for as long as I can remember. An example, when he went on his first field trip with his preschool class, my mother-in-law accompanied him. His teacher asked, "Who did you bring with you today Jude?" He had just recently turned 4 years old, and his response was, "I don't know who this lady is."

People who specialize in psychology have told me it's a sign of genius. I don't plan on telling him this any time soon. I'm sure he'd use the information for some maniacal scheme.

His latest stab at comedic genius has come in the form of bed wetting. He hasn't wet the bed in years, and all of a sudden I noticed he was smelling a lot like urine. "Are you peeing in your bed?" I asked one morning.

He gave me a devilish grin, "Yes!"

"Uh, why?" I was afraid to ask.

"Because I felt like it," he laughed.

At bed time, my massive pregnant belly struggled to put the fitted sheet back on his bunk bed. As soon as I finished dressing his whole bed, he dove under the covers and nestled in, then he giggled and said, "Ahhhh....give me these warm blankets to pee in!"

"You better stop peeing in your bed," I threatened.

"But it's awesome!" he replied from somewhere under his blankets.

Lesson 171: your kid peeing his bed because "it's awesome" = white trash

This went on for two weeks, until the other night when Adam was the one to tuck him in. "Why does your bed smell like pee!" Adam yelled, "Jess, come here!"

I walked down to the boys room to see Adam ripping off all five thousand blankets and pillows Jude insists on sleeping with (and peeing on).

"Ugh..." Adam looked repulsed, "everything smells like urine!" he yelled.

Jet was up in his top bunk and said, "what's urine?"

"It means pee Jet," Adam informed him as he threw another pee-tastic blanket at me to put in the wash.

"Ooooooh....in what language?" Jet asked.

Adam gave me a look like, these are our children? "Uh...English."

Lesson 172: kids being so trashy they don't know the proper word for pee = white trash

Once the blankets were off, it revealed a very large stain on the mattress. "Wow! That's a lot of urine!" Jet exclaimed. Way to use it in a sentence buddy.

After Lysoling the crap out of Jude's mattress, Adam gave it a flip. He then looked at Jude and said, "This isn't funny, and if you pee in your bed again I'm moving you upstairs in Jovie's room."

Yeah, who's funny now? Needless to say, he hasn't peed in his bed since. :)