Wardrobe Malfunction

I don't get to get out much, (I'm sure you're all shocked.) but this weekend one of my really good friends got married. I needed a sitter but Jackie was going to the wedding too and all my other family members, in the area, work in the restaurant business and asking one of them to watch my kids on a Saturday night would be fruitless. Since the kids had been begging me to stay overnight at Gaga's house, I decided to call my mother-in-law and ask her to put her sanity on the line and keep three of my boys, then bring my sister-in-law home with me to watch Stone and Jovie.

Lesson 68: having to split up my kids and find multiple baby sitters just to go to a wedding = white trash

When I asked Gaga if she'd watch the boys, for some crazy reason she thought it sounded like fun and asked if she could keep Jovie as well. Before saying ok, I questioned whether or not this lady was all there. Who would gladly take my boys and beg for more? Should I leave my kids with this crazy person? After realizing they live with me every day, I decided they were, of course, safe. My sister-in-law was easy. Who doesn't want to come cuddle a baby?

The day of the wedding, I was thrilled to get out of my house. I felt like an actual person with an identity. It was liberating to sit through church and not have a squealing child or one whining, wondering when we are going home. My hands were free, I got to hold the bulletin and actually read it! But leave it to motherhood to rear its ugly head right when I was thoroughly enjoying myself.

About the time when my friend was saying her vows, I felt a warm trickle rolling down my stomach. The bad thing about breast feeding is your body will make milk even when it's not needed. Since Stone is such a good nurser I produce more than the average momma bear. I looked over at Jackie (she was my date since Adam had to work and her boyfriend was in another country) and chuckled.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I have breast milk leaking down my stomach."

Jackie of course found this very amusing, but was kind enough to take me home before the reception so I could relieve myself.

Unfortunately, when I got home, Stone was asleep, and you DO NOT wake up Stone. He's not exactly the most pleasant of babies. Not wanting my sister-in-law to have to deal with a cranky Stone, I decided to suffer through it.

At the begining of the reception, I was doing well. There was a lot of adult conversation, that I reveled in. No one said a word about Hot Wheels or Spongebob. No one cried or demanded a popsicle. It was amazing!

Then, while I ate, the flood gates let loose. Within twenty minutes my dress was soaked from my chest to my navel. Luckily, I chose a dress that didn't show the ridiculous state I was in. Jackie laughed and made fun of me all night, and though I was soaked and cold I refused to leave.

It eventually did get extremely uncomfortable. Not only was I soaked but I felt as if I would explode at any second, so we decided to leave.

"Do you want to go give Sam a hug and say goodbye?" Jackie asked.

"No!"

Lesson 69: not wanting to give your friend a hug on her wedding day because you're scared you'll ruin her beautiful dress with breast milk = white trash

Congrats Sam and Matt! May you have many, many happy years!!