October 26, 2010


Pants are my arch nemeses. I hate them, but I obviously can't live without them. At this moment in time, I own two pairs of jeans, and neither of them fit me properly. Jeans are by far my least favorite bottom. I wish it were socially acceptable to wear yoga pants to every occassion. They may not be attractive, but I'm comfortable.

Yesterday, I decided to bite the bullet and buy myself some jeans. Adam has been after me to do this for a couple of months now. I dropped Jude off at preschool, then took Jovie and Stone to the mall so I could go to Aeropostal. They are the only kind of jeans that have fit my big butt, oompa-loompa legs in the past.

I went in and they had a whole rack on clearance. Oh yeah! I picked two pairs up and went to the check out. Trying them on in the store wasn't going to happen. Paying for the pants was enough of a hassle with both kids throwing a tantrum. Even though I was tired and had thrown my neck out again, because my double stroller broke, I still left feeling great. I haven't had a new pair of jeans since 2006!

The honeymoon ended quickly after I got home and tried them on. The first pair were a standard boot cut, but it had distress lines around the hip area, and it made my hips that birthed 6 children look more like it was 52 kids. No thank you. Who wants to draw attention to that area? I sadly threw them back in the bag to be returned.

I still had hope. I pulled on the next pair. They fit, but the top was a little lower than I like them, and my stretched out underwear (I haven't bought underwear in a while, too) stuck out of the top. If I bought some new underwear they would be ok. Yeah, the top seemed to fit, my hips looked proportioned. Then I looked down. Ewww.....skinny jeans. These would be ok if the bottom half of my body weren't so incredibly unproportioned. My hips and thighs are massive, my legs are short, and my feet are unbelievably long. In skinny jeans I looked like one of those ballon crafts where you dress balloons up like people.

Lesson 95: the bottom half of your body being shaped like a balloon person craft = white trash

Curse you jeans! You may have won this time, but someday!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment