April 1, 2012

Jude's Joke

In honor of April Fools Day today, I'm going to tell you this lovely story. Every week on Jude's kindergarten calendar there is a space for the theme of show and tell. Being overwhelmed with my overall state of life, I often forget to check it. They have a full week to participate in show and tell, and poor Jude has probably only participated in 3/4 of them.

On Tuesday, I remembered to look at the calendar. I knew Jude had to do snack sometime at the end of the month, and I was happy to see I hadn't missed it. While I was looking, I checked the show and tell box. Joke week.

I looked up at Jude, who was jumping on the couch with a big smile on his face, "Hey buddy, we need to learn a joke for school."

Jude immediately stopped jumping and shamefully looked at the floor. Noooooooo! It made me almost sick to ask, "Jude, did you already tell a joke?" No response. Desperately I demanded, "Jude, did you tell a joke?" He oozed off the couch and climbed into my lap, making me hold him. Now, this is Jude we're talking about here. The boy doesn't snuggle, so I knew the answer. Now I just needed to know the details.

"What joke did you tell?" Nothing. Adam asked him the same question, and still no response. I took a deep breath, and pulled him back so I could look him in the eye. "Alright, tell me this. Did you get in a little bit of trouble, or a lot of trouble?"

"A little bit of trouble," he mumbled.

I let him snuggle back into me, and I said to Adam, "It probably had something to do with poop."

A couple days later, I returned from the grocery store to see Jude's teacher (who lives across the street) getting out of her car. I called over, "So, what was the inappropriate joke Jude told for show and tell?" A chuckle escaped her lips, "Oh, you mean the joke Adam taught him?"

I laughed, "I assure you, Adam didn't teach him whatever it was he said." I told her the story about how I have become a mediocre mother and didn't realize it was joke week until it was too late. Then I informed her of Jude's response, or lack there of, when I asked what he had said.

She told me, "On Monday," (Hearing this made me cringe. Jude was so stoked to tell this mystery joke he was one of the first one's to share.) "I asked if anyone had a joke they'd like to tell. Jude raised his hand, so he came up and got on the platform. "Knock-knock." We excitedly answered, "Who's there!" "Noodle-head!" "Noodle-head who?" "Noodle-head WEINER!""

"NOOOOO! He told a weiner joke?!" I was mortified.

She nodded. Then, she told me she called him over and said, "Now Jude, that joke was not appropriate and I know Daddy didn't teach it to you. Where did you learn that joke?"

Jude replied, "Mommy."

Lesson 147: allegedly teaching your kid a weiner joke to share with his kindergarten class = white trash

Happy April Fools Day everyone! 

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