November 14, 2009

New Car

I’m so excited! After six years of being a one vehicle family, Adam and I finally got a second car. I can’t express how happy we are.

For those who don’t know, Adam works in another state. It only takes him an hour to get there, but it’s an inconvenience when small things come up like birthday parties, school functions, and going into labor! Not to mention when I pick Marky up (70 miles from our home) the kids and I are in the car for a minimum of 7 hours those days. We drive Adam to work, then come back home, wait a few hours then make the trek to pick up Marky, then come back home, wait until midnight which is when I wake up all the kids, load them in the car for the umpteenth time and go pick Adam up from work, then finally, we come back home. Ugh….I’m tired from writing about it!

I’m sure you see why a second car is a dream come true. A friend of Adam’s had a car he was trying to get rid of and we were all too happy to take it off his hands. We were going to take it no matter what it looked like.

When we got there I chuckled. It was a 1996 Nissan Sentra with only 74,000 miles on it. It’s missing the driver’s side mirror, a chunk of driver’s seat, and there’s a giant dent in the back where his daughter backed up into a fire hydrant. The bumper is adorned with fabulous stickers such as “Folk Festival” and “I heart Mountains”. It makes me feel as if I need to dred my hair and smoke from a hookah pipe while I drive down the road, but it ran and that’s all that mattered.

Adam took it for a test drive and when he returned he had a huge grin on his face. He got out of the car and said, “Please tell me the tape in the tape deck comes with it!”

“What is it?” I hesitantly asked, afraid to know.

Adam flashed me the goofy smile I love so much, “The Ghostbuster’s theme song by Ray Parker!” he exclaimed.

I laughed. The song that ruined Ray Parker’s career according to my mom, but to Adam’s delight it was included.

An hour later, Adam was driving it home as I followed in our van. Everything was great until five miles down the road when Adam pulled off to the side and got out.

I rolled down the window, “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I don’t have any brakes.”

“Are you serious?”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure. They went straight to the floor and nothing!”

Adam crawled under the car and found that the brake lines were extremely rusted and one of them had fallen off. It had to be towed home.

Lesson 32: driving your new car for five miles and then having to have it towed home = white trash
This happened on Monday. Tuesday, Adam went back to work and requested a week of vacation so he could get the car running. He couldn’t wait to get started.
Friday, I got a phone call from Adam when he should have been on his way to work. This is normal. He gets bored on those long car trips and sometimes just wants someone to talk to. I answer and hear him give a little laugh.

“Guess what.” he says.

“What?” I ask thinking he’s going to tell me something funny.

“The van just died.”

…………………… *crickets*…………*tumble weed*…………………

“You’re kidding right?” I was hopeful.

“No. Everything was fine. Then the check engine light came on and it shut off. Now it won’t start.”

I sat dumbfounded, but was awakened from my stupor when I heard “kr-kr-kr-kr-kr-kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk” coming from the living room. I looked up to see Jet and Jude running away from the printer to hide.

“What the heck is going on?!” I scream.

“Let me call road side assistance and I’ll call you back.” I hear as I hang up my phone. I think Adam thought I was yelling at him.

These are the points in my life when I understand why some mothers commit themselves to the loony bin.

I walked over to the printer to see the screen flashing, “Call Epson”. I pushed the power button and turned it off. Curious, I turned it back on. Kr-kr-kr-kr-kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk……”Call Epson” ………..out comes a piece of plastic.


I had gotten the boys some left over Halloween candy that was 50% off at the store the other day. They were individually wrapped gummy bloody body parts, eye balls, and brains, because you can never have enough edible body parts in a house full of boys. Each piece is also cradled in a sturdy piece of plastic to hold it in place in the wrapper. That is what my printer spit out.

“You don’t put candy wrappers in the printer!” I yell as my phone starts ringing again. I got up to answer it. It was Adam again.

“I think it’s the timing belt. I tried to adjust it but it still won’t start. It must be broken. The tow truck is coming to get it. I have someone coming to get me to go to work. Tell the tow truck guy to put it at the top of the hill. I don’t want the van to block in the car if it’s going to be cheaper to fix. I’ll talk to you later.”

I hung up the phone, not able to respond. My brain had blown a gasket and oozed out of my ear. I sat at my kitchen table staring into oblivion for a very long time. Then it happened, I began to laugh…..hysterically. At that point what else can you do? It was too ridiculous, the whole situation! I recovered in time to welcome the tow truck driver and instruct him on where to go.

Lesson 33: having two cars towed in the same week and not having a vehicle that works = white trash
At the end of the day I was happy it was just material things that were broken and not friends or members of my family, and even though things are extremely stupid right now there are still some things I am very thankful for.

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